Lacking of Vitamin D
by WannabeWerewolf
Summary: There were many problems being the one and only Severus Snape.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: Don't own the Harry Potter books (obviously);;**

Absolutely no money is being made.  
  
There were many problems being the one and only Severus Snape.

A) You couldn't tan

B) You had to be on the toes to make some weird potion no one ever  
thought of before to make the almighty Headmaster of Hogwarts happy.

C) You were lactose intolerant

Yes, those three things were the burden of dear Severus' life. And these problems happened almost year long, every day. (Much to his annoyance, and the annoyance to all around him, which most of the time tended not to be anyone because he had a small touch of social anxiety, but there was always therapy to help fix that.)

It was nearing the end of the school year. The worst time of the year. All of his problems collided at once. Dumbledore was always at his office door,asking sweetly for some bizzare something that Severus had to whip up in amatter of hours, there was milk with cereal every morning, and that blastedsun didn't do well with his irish complexion. Bah. Who needs the sun?

Certainly not Severus Snape!

Well, another normal day had begun. It was six o' clock am. Aaah it was a glorious day! The birds were chirping, the sun was shining...

...and Dumbledore was hammering down dear Severus' door.

Good morning World!

Grumbling, and barely being able to see through the crust in his eyelashes, Severus tripped and knocked into things, and finally made it to the door!

Our dear Severus opened up the door, yawning. When his vision cleared and the crust was gone from his eyeballs, whom or what did he see?

Well, as stated above, it was Dumbledore! And his nose was taking up most of Severus' sleep deprived eye ball vision space!

The Most Powerful Wizard In The World (tm) waved brightly in Severus' face, and shoved some scrolls in his arms.

"Hello, my dear Professor!" the Headmaster chirped brightly. "Overslept I see?"

Severus grunted, which could be translated as "Yes, I do apologize I have slept late and caused a conflict in your schedule!"

...but who wants to say all those words at six am?

Dumbledore of course! He pointed to the scrolls that have unraveled to the floor and now laid in a mountain at Severus' slipper clad feet.

"I would like a potion tonight listing all those ingredients tonight  
Professor!" he exclaimed. "Nutrition is very important for a weary old manlike me! It is not too much trouble is it?"

Our poor Professor shook his head and threw the scrolls inside his door.

After all, who can refuse that polite request?

And after ten years, one gets used to it.

Dumbledore gave Severus a cheery salute, and with that, the "weary old man" took off down the hall, clicking his heels.

Dear Severus, slouched around and snapped his door shut again. He wobbled over to where his cloak was hung, and pushed it out of the way, where a bunch of tally's were marked with chalk. The Professor picked up the chalk, and marked another tally.

In fancy calligraphic handwriting at the top of those tally's read: "Six A.M Wake Up Call"

He also marked underneath it:

Total:1149

But no one, not even the Master Severus Snape of Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry can make a decent potion on an empty stomach.

Because, as Dumbledore stated, "Nutrition is very important for a weary old man like me!"

Your quite right Dumbledore, quite right.

So breakfast saw our dear Professor sandwiched in between McGonagall and Flitwick, and their jokes seemed to pass through ones mouth, through his ears, to the others own ears. And so the pattern continued.

So what was on the Breakfast menu today dear House elves, slaves of  
imprisonment?

Well, there were eggs over easy, scrambled, and poached, bacon, toast, porridge, french toast, and Cereal and along with cereal of course goes milk!

And as a result of Snape's aforementioned social anxiety, he never toldanyone of his lactose intolerance-ness!

That must suck, because dear Madam Pomfrey was pouring milk and cereal in his bowl. "Severus, Vitamin D is important for you! It develops strong bones, and it is found in dairy and sunlight. Bless Muggles for observing that!"

Vitamin D eh? Snape was certainly lacking that. No wonder he broke his arm in five seperate places.

So he nodded his thanks and with a very forced smile, picked up the spoon and had some of the Sorcerer Crunch (complete with marshmallow cauldrons! Its Magically Delicious!)

Meanwhile...

"Hey Harry..." Ron whispered from across the table. "Take a look at Snape. He looks really pissed again today. And we have double potions!"

Harry turned to look at the staff table. He observed his dear Professor's signature 'Look O' Death' and shrugged. "I wonder what he is pissed about every morning"

If only you knew Harry.

**Next Episode!**

Exposure to the Sun and the Vampire Polker Cult!

Feedback greatly appreciated and flames accepted! 


	2. Dress to Impress!

So here he was, blatantly ignoring the most important meal of the day. Our Snape grumbled and pouted, and generally threw a silent tantrum as he drummed his fingers on the table, awaiting the meal to be over.

Blasphemer.

Only someone like a lactose intolerant potions master who has never seen a beach in his life would sit here, ignoring the snap crackle and pop of the cereal before him.

However, the owl post arrived. Usually, this did not interest dear Severus, for he had rarely received mail (Save for Quibbler junk mail and invitations to try a new perfume)

But…behold! A barn owl dropped a very ornate envelope, stuck its beak in the potion master's cup, and flew off, clipping Severus' head with its wings.

With his signature sour pout, Snape dumped his goblet out on Professor Flitwick's shoes and poked the letter with a hesitant finger. No, it wasn't true. It was a mistake. Severus Snape did not receive mail. He couldn't!

Then Severus froze and glared up and Dumbledore. He had something to do with it! It was a trick! But the fabled Headmaster of Hogwarts did not seem to notice the death glare, and continued to happily munch on a marshmallow cauldron from his cereal bowl. With a huff, our Severus turned back to the envelope.

Yes, his name was there, Mr. Severus Snape in ornate, loopy, golden handwriting. It was…his handwriting.

Ignoring the shock of the faculty around him, ("Sweet Georgia Brown! Severus got a letter!" "A love letter! A love letter!" "Drank some Felix Felices, Snapey?") Severus ripped open the letter and held it close to his nose to see.

_My Dear Severus,_

_We have not spoken in some time, my friend. We ask you humbly to join us for the Polker Society this evening. If you do not come, we shall simply come and collect you. We are sure Dumbledore won't mind. He has been invited as well. It will be fun, Albus has one mean poker face._

_Sincerely, and always yours,_

_The Vampire Polker Society_

_P.S- We will not change our Purposeful typo. Polker is too a word. Stop asking us. _

With a look of revulsion, fear, and whatever else was on this enigmatic mind, Snape looked at Dumbledore's profile. He merely got a peace sign and a box of Sorcerer Crunch levitated to him in return.

-insertscenechangehere-

Naturally, as all of you know, you have to look presentable for a get together. It is usually a mark of respect to show up on your host's doorway with neat presentable attire, and maybe a bottle of wine handy. Snape knew these acts of courtesy well, despite his rare efforts to exercise them

So here he stood, in nothing but his knickers and a toothbrush behind one ear, staring forlornly into his closet, all a mass of black. It had been some time since he had an outing. What would a Potions Master wear? Our dear Severus reach forward to snatch a set of black velvet robes when a light voice exclaimed behind him:

"No, Don't wear that Severus! You must be mad, man!"

Severus spun, and twitched his hanging cloak over his body. Dear Albus was sitting cross legged on his bed, pointed boots taken off for courtesy. He was a sight, bright turquoise robes and a matching hat, all adorned with little silver stars.

"You need some diversity, Severus, or at least some sun!" Dumbledore the Great said, in a tone that sounded as though Albus invented the very meaning of fashion.

"Here, allow me to help you!" the annoyingly cheerful old man said, and twitched his wand. A set of emerald robes flew toward Severus and knocked his cloak away, now causing the pasty man to clutch these new robes to himself in the attempt to cover himself.

"Where did you come from?" our poor Severus asked, too stunned to think of anything too self preserving.

Dumbledore gave him a surprised look. "The door. Where else?" he asked, as if Snape asked what two plus two was. "Well" the old man said, leaping off the bed, and grabbing his boots. "I suppose I'll wait for you outside. Change quickly please, I do not wish to be late!" He briskly walked forward. "I do hope you like the color" the headmaster said, winking, and shut the door behind him.

Severus looked down. It was a brighter green than Slytherin house colors. A note was taped to the front: _Don't you wish you had eyes this color? Remember- Dress to impress! _

Potter's Eyes.

There was no denying it. The score stood at Dumbledore: 2 Snape: nil

Bloody polker cult.

-zomgchapter-

**Next time!**

**The Polker Cult meets!**

**And grapes, cheese, and the Milk Convention!**


End file.
